


"They Are Not The Hell Your Whales"

by WillSmackAMF



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Drowning, Bones will not be seduced, Captain of a research vessel Jim, Dadmiral Christopher Pike, Drink slave, Fluff and Humor, Jim is a Little Shit, Jim tries his best to seduce the doctor, Light Angst, M/M, Marine Biologist Bones, Thalassophobic Bones, accidental romance, dadmiral Pike
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21523378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillSmackAMF/pseuds/WillSmackAMF
Summary: Leonard H. McCoy, a famous Marine Biologist, has Thalassophobia. Yes, ladies and gents, our beloved researcher is afraid of big bodies of water and drowning in them, lost to the scary deep depths of the ocean. But fear not! Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, a marine research vessel, has come to ensure that his fears are left to waste!By drowning him the very first day they met!"It was an accident, okay! I didn't mean to push him overboard!"Well, romance and shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Philip Boyce/Christopher Pike
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	"They Are Not The Hell Your Whales"

**Author's Note:**

> Story title was suggested to me by McCoy's Coffee over at McKirk discord group chat.
> 
> This was an idea I have been agonizing over for long time. I wanted to write something similar to Bones in Star Trek, with his aviophobia but only with big bodies of water! 8D plus the idea of a thalassophobic marine biologist is quite funny to me.

"They Are Not The Hell Your Whales"

\---

Leonard knew when he studied his course and finished college, he was going to have to face his fears at some point in time. He can't always hide behind a desk and the laboratory, and do research there, when he's a marine biologist. He has to go out there into the ocean and seas and do fact finding missions too.

But you see, he has what we call Thalassaphobia.

It means he's afraid of all things relating to the deep dark oceans and seas. Down right from the chilling mysteries of whatever's inside to drowning.

So, what then, was the reason that he even took on this course? Why study to become a marine biologist if you're too pussy cat to get into the ocean depths?

Well, simple.

He really has a soft spot for animals, when he was young, he saw a documentary about turtles and how endangered they were, from then on he felt the need to help save them became a burning desire to come to fruition. So he studied long and hard and he even graduated with honors.

But he just can't get near the beach without even feeling a tingle of anxiety ping down his spine.

It was both annoying and scary.

But alas, his luck has run out, he was assigned to help aboard the USS Enterprise, a ship dedicated to researching marine animals and life forms, in hopes of finding anything to help the endangered animals in the world.

It's a pretty ship, don't get him wrong, she's really magnificent and grand but…

The moment he even stepped foot on deck, he started sweating and fidgeting about. His anxiety was at its highest peak and he was so close to scratching at the four immaculate white walls of his assigned room.

He just needed air and probably to go relax somewhere close to a lifeboat so in case, you know, the ship does sink -not that he wants it to sink or anything, but he still has his doubts and suspicions so, give him a break- he only has to jump into the lifeboat and be saved.

Okay, maybe not really saved, saved, because then he'd be alone and suffer the mass solemnity of the big wide ocean. Alone. Scared.

Okay, not helping.

He did his best to calm himself before he exited his quite stuffy room. He wasn't all that okay yet, feeling lightheaded and unused to the gentle moving of the ship. He honestly felt like crap and wanting to upend everything he ate that morning, which was not a lot.

So it was not a surprise that he would be caught off guard by being slammed by a door suddenly opening, pushing him hard and over the railing into his very fears itself.

He gasped in fright and flailed in panic.

Well, there goes his dreams of staying alive.

Whoever pushed him off the ship, if he survived this, he was going to give that man a piece of his mind!

\---

Jim has always loved the sea, he was enamored with the vastness and richness of it. How there was a lot to be researched to go find out about the depths below. So when he was young, he studied hard to be able to captain his own ship and sail to the farthest seas and reach the deepest pits of the ocean. Well, deepest pits humanly possible of course.

He managed to do it in just 3 years, he's a genius and it wasn't just his intellect that brought him a good team too. He was perfectly capable, reliable and unerringly loyal to his crew and they in return are just as loyal to him. They've proven to each other how much they all mean to him and he to them.

It was like having a family.

He was also quite charismatic, having earned the favor of most of his superiors, having impressed them with his quick wit and skills as captain of his ship.

It's just…

He can also be quite a handful to manage.

He was notoriously a flirt and also quite a ladies man, or well everyone's man, he's pan, he doesn't really mind what gender his partner has or what sexuality they have, so long as everyone had fun in the end. It's all good. But this can be quite damning to his reputation as the resident slut. No matter how untrue it is.

And he constantly gets himself into trouble, it was no secret that every time they went out to go do their missions, he'd always end up banged up and injured.

Spock was already getting white hairs just thinking about the next mission they'd be on and about how much Jim can botch this one up with his illogicalness.

But no one ever doubted Jim's capability to lead them. It's just…

Trouble seems to love him a lot. He seems to attract danger like a magnet.

It wasn't like he planned these things or anything. They just seem to always happen to him!

Like right now.

When Pike told him that he was getting a new marine biologist on board he was happy to know that it was the famed and reliable Leonard McCoy.

But he also didn't expect the guy to be such a rough around the edges type of man, nor did he expect the grumpy countenance and smooth southern drawl. It was giving him conflicting signals like never before.

And he just had to ruin his chance for a good impression when he accidentally threw the man off board!

For a second, he saw how the man's hazel eyes dimmed with panic, the desperation to cling to something, the finality of the water embracing him with their cold depths, and suddenly Jim knew he screwed up.

All he could think was 'Oh god! What have I done! I threw him! I threw him! He's flailing! He can't swim! I need to do something!'

And then he jumped off his ship to save the man he almost drowned.

\---

There are many things that are accidentally done in life. Like your cat accidentally pushing your cup off your table. Or your dog accidentally chewing your favorite shoe. Or your neighbor accidentally stealing your oranges from your tree.

Okay so maybe these are bad examples of accidents waiting to happen.

But accidentally drowning your new marine biologist is something only James T. Kirk is capable of accomplishing, and in the most spectacular fashion too.

Christopher Pike was so done with everything.

He just wanted to retire with his husband on some romantic island. Maybe get a dog or a cat. Hey, he's not picky. Live the rest of his life problem free with lots of sex and romantic dinners.

But nooooo, his stupid godson had to ruin everything.

Chris sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, in front of him stood one shivering marine biologist who was glaring daggers aimed right at his godson, equally drenched, equally pathetic but more sheepish than angry.

"So, let me get this straight, son. You threw Dr. McCoy overboard because you thought a bright and early exuberant greeting for the crew was due and in your carelessness, you managed to push him off the ship, with the door, and now he not only suffers almost drowning to death, but also mild concussion too?!" Chris was putting everything he had on his patience level, trying, with all of his will power, to keep his tone straight but damn, is it so hard to accomplish.

The little shit even had the gall to flirt at the drenched and obviously cranky doctor!

"Uh… yes?" Jim sheepishly answered, though with a questioning tone. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, his stance obviously wracked with nerves and by his occasional sneaking looks to the glaring doctor, it was just as visible that his pathetic attempts at shooting the doctor a remorseful apologetic look was shot down, coldly, venomously.

Chris almost shuddered at that icy glare, it was obvious where Dr. McCoy got it from. He wasn't mentored by Philip Boyce for nothing. And with Chris being married to said man, well, let's just say he's been the victim of those glares plenty of times before.

"I hope you have at least given the good doctor here a check up from one of the doctors we have here on board before coming to me, he looks ready to fall on his feet at any moment." Chris eyed Dr. McCoy with a critical and wary look, hoping that he had suffered no more injuries aside from what Jim has reported.

"Yes, I had him checked over by Dr. M'Benga… Sir, I am willing to suffer any punishments for what I have done. I should have known better that we were going to get a new doctor on board and I should have been more careful." Then Jim turned to Dr. McCoy and grabbed the man's hands into his, giving said man a guilt ridden, sincere look. "Look, Dr. McCoy, I'm sorry for pushing you off the ship, I am prepared to pay for any damages you want, if you wish to punish me, that's also okay, I deserve it, I'm really sorry."

Chris shifted his focus to the doctor and found the man to be staring at his godson with a contemplative glint in his eyes and Chris knew from the slight blush tinting the doctor's ears that Jim's ever soulful blue eyes had done its job.

No one ever could stay mad at him for long.

"Fine, whatever, just stay away from me kid! You don't touch me, you don't come near me, if i even as much as feel your breath on my skin, I'll punch you, damn the no hurting people rule. Got it?" Then he brushed against Jim, pushing the captain aside with an ironic touch of their shoulders.

Chris couldn't help it, when the door slammed behind Dr. McCoy's back, he let out an obnoxious laugh. "Well, that's new. Normally, they'd be all shy and let you off scott free, but this is good, means he can't be bullshitted by your bs crap on the daily. Now go, you're dismissed." He made a shooing motion and his godson only gave him a withering glare in return before, equally, slamming the door just as hard as the doctor before him.

"Tsk, are they trying to break my door?"

\---


End file.
